Lark: I decided what I want for Christmas.
Me: Oh? What?
Lark: I want a kitten.
Me: Do you remember what happened the last time there was another cat in the house? You two did not exactly get along.
Lark: It was not my fault that Midnight brought me a half eaten lizard and then got a paw to the face for it.
Me: Yes it was.
Lark: Okay. What about that time when a lizard crawled on you and you were babysitting? You spilled the pasta all over the floor and screamed like you were being eaten by a dinosaur.
Me: I thought we agreed to never discuss this again.
Lark: Then I want a bag of catnip to throw at the mailman.
Me: You can’t throw things, you are a cat.
Lark: Human, you are mine, and you will listen to me. If I say I can throw catnip at the mailman, I can throw catnip at the mailman. It will be good practice for ambushing Santa.
Me: You can’t ambush Santa!
Lark: And you can’t scream and faint because a lizard jumps on your jeans. Should I tell them about the mouse?
Lark: We’ll have a steak out on the grill and wait under the tree if that makes you feel better.
Me: Here Comes Santa Claus, Here Comes Santa Claus, Santa Claus is getting ambushed tonight, Santa Claus is getting ambushed to night. Vixen and Blitzen and all his reindeer….
Me: Well, I know what I’m doing for Christmas.
MARK’S NOTE: This post is amazing and deserves all the love in the world!